"Smoke And Mirrors"

You're a fraud and you know it
But it's too good to throw it all away
Anyone would do the same
You've got 'em going
And you're careful not to show it
Sometimes you even fool yourself a bit
It's like magic
But it's always been a smoke and mirrors game
Anyone would do the same

So now that you've arrived well you wonder
What is it that you've done to make the grade
And should you do the same?
(Is that too easy?)
Are you only trying to please them
(Will they see then?)
You're desperate to deliver
Anything that could give you
A sense of reassurance
When you look in the mirror

Such highs and lows
You put on quite a show
All these highs and lows
And you're never really sure
What you do it for
Well do you even want to know?
You put on quite a show

(Mother)
Are you watching?
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)

You're a fraud and you know it
And every night and day you take the stage
And it always entertains
You're giving pleasure
And that's admirable, you tell yourself
And so you'd gladly sell yourself
To others

(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?
(Mother)
Are you watching?

Such highs and lows
You put on quite a show
All these highs and lows
And you're never really sure
What you do it for
Well do you even want to know?
Yeah you put on quite a show

An Explanation, that's all.

A series of complaints to Jo on webcam:

“I had to learn to get along with everyone else, why can’t anyone else learn to live with me? I’m sorry, that’s not fair! Why do I always have to be the one doing the Changing! I would never ask anyone else to change. Yeah I know I am crazy, I am intense, and yeah. But I just get excited! That’s all. Why doesn’t anyone understand that? “

"When my daughter was little, we were in a cosco, and cosco is a huge huge warehouse if you've ever been there. She disappeared. So I got scared. I went to the front desk and asked them to page my daughter and they said "Sorry. We don't page anyone here." Well, for them not to page my daughter? Excuse me! I walked all over the store and I screamed at the top of my lungs for her. She heard me. I've always been a helicopter parent, and I don't care."

"See, it's just that no one understands me." 




http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/10277505/Helicopter-parents-creating-a-generation-incapable-of-accepting-failure.html

Not exactly sure why she thinks that helicopter parenting is a good idea. :/ Not exactly sure how the first part started a rant about how she managed to find me in a cosco. Was she learning to live with me? Was cosco not learning to live with her? Is helicopter parenting something that people should just... learn to live with?

O.o

The Leaky Bathroom and a Mothers Love

We had a leak in the bathroom for a while, and mom was talking on the computer to her Fiancé Jo on the webcam again. She had been complaining and starting up conversations about the leak in the bathroom which she hadn’t reported ever, which she just complained about and then blamed the caretaker and the maintenance man.  Finally they came over for a fire inspection and the caretaker noticed the dampness in the bathroom, and called in the Maintenance guy.

Mom: “Bill  was here and found the leak. It’s a shut off valve and all he has to do is cut it and replace the valve. But to me that sounds like more trouble.”

JO: “Why?”

Mom: “Because he is using PVC piping,”

I chime in: “It’s Pex piping, there’s nothing wrong with that method..”

Mom: “Because it’s hard to seal pVC piping to metal!” sounding defensive.

Me: “No, that’s fine.  I’ve installed it into an entire apartment building, there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s a metal ring that you clamp down, compressing the PEX tubing that seals the line.”

Mom: “No.” She is looking at me with this frustrated look, like I am making her look stupid. I take the hint to back off before anything goes crazy, and things… do get crazy.

Me:“Okay, Yeah, no I will shut up sorry, I am good at that.”  I put my headphones in so I don’t have to listen to the course of the rest of the conversation about why installing a new Shut off valve with pex will just be more trouble, and make her life even more horrible.. but I manage to hear this:

Mom: "It's that this is an old building! There are really old pipes here! And all kinds of different ones. It's a conglomerate of pipes!" ... I'm not even going to touch on that one. 

Twenty Minutes later on her way outside for a cigarette, she comes over to the bed, kisses my head (the computer is still on, so Jo can still hear the entire conversation on the other end)
“I love you.”

“Don’t judge what I am thinking, because you deprive me of the experience of your knowledge. I wasn’t thinking you were stupid, I was thinking you’re very smart and I should listen to you, because you are very smart. You are here for a reason, and that reason is to share with me. Stop shutting me out, because it drives me crazy.”  She says this in a loud tone, close to my face. It feels like I am being scolded for being bad.